Discernment Counseling
This is where Discernment counseling can help
It’s not divorce counseling, but is a way to get clear on three different paths that loom before you:
- Stay as you are in the relationship
- Continue to move to divorce
- Pursuing reconciliation where both partners are intentionally working to make the relationship better with professional help.
…is worth the short amount of time to gain clarity and confidence toward which way to take your relationship
Relationships are hard when they are not flowing, have constant disagreements, dashed hopes and broken dreams.
You’ve made a vow for life, for better or worse, and that counts – or does it? In the face of emotional pain and daily distress, it may start to mean less and less; however, it counts to the person you made the vow too, and to your children (if there are any). The other person has planned their life around your vow, around counting on your willingness to stay. Considering divorce – though it’s painted as an easy solution, is not always the best answer, and a decision about divorce is usually made under extreme emotional distress. Making life decisions when thinking is clouded by negative emotion does not make for a well-thought-out decision. Divorce may not solve your problems, and may create more that you didn’t expect – especially for the children.
Understanding the impact – for you, your family, and your future
If there is ambivalence around staying in the marriage, then taking time to look at the three potential paths before you and how those three scenarios might play out is the first best step.
- Do you stay in the relationship “as is” without working on it?
- Do you continue on a path toward separation and divorce?
- Or do you want to pursue reconciliation with divorce off the table and both partners intentionally working to make the relationship better with professional help?
- Which path is best in the long run when both partners are older and the children are gone?
- Which path is best financially for both parties?
- Which path is best for the children?
It is important to slow down the emotional impulse to throw it all away and get very clear on the potential ramifications of a divorce decision.
What are the benefits of Discernment Counseling?
- Process painful emotions.
- Understand divorce better.
- Support parenting during a time of powerful emotions.
- Understand your role in the breakdown of the marriage.
- Understand your partner’s experience better.
Divorce affects the future of your family financially, emotionally and even physically – causing disruption to children’s lives and damaging self-esteem and lowering resources for everyone involved.
Divorce is one of the most painful things a family can experience together and by getting clarity on your role in the breakdown of the marriage we can side-step irrational emotional actions and revenge-fantasies that will leave you with long-term legal, financial and emotional ramifications.
How is Discernment Counseling different from couple’s therapy?
- It’s a short-term therapy: One to six sessions are the starting point, depending on what the couple decides.
- Couples have time with the counselor and then each have individual time with the counselor during each session
- The goal of each session is to get clearer about what went wrong, what each partner’s role was in how the marriage has gotten to the point of considering divorce and what the effects would be and how they want to handle the future of the relationship. It is not to start trying to fix the relationship.
- If the couple decides to stay in the relationship, then the goal moves toward working to fix the relationship with couples’ therapy.
Why Choose Me?
I am a Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist and my practice is completely focused on working with couples and blended families.
I’m part of a blended family and know firsthand the challenging dynamics couples face. I use Attachment Theory and Emotionally Focused Therapy to get to the heart of issues. EFT is empirically proven, showing that 70-75% of couples feel their relationship is no longer in distress and 90% of couples report an improvement in their relationship.
Practicing through Emotionally Focused Therapy allows me to help couples interrupt their repetitive negative pattern and learn to hear each other and understand each other on a deeper emotional level. I create a safe environment and work to validate both points of view.
Ready to take the next step?
Book a free 20-minute consultation to discuss your unique needs and explore how I can help you create a thriving family.